There is a funny thing about blogging.
You can start, stop, or even delete a blog. Thing is, it’s always out there in this day and age. I figure, I truly make a space for myself. That once my time comes to an end, someone can read on my shenanigans.
Of course in the time I started this post, I had an iPad, lost it, rented a laptop, just to find the laptop.
That’s the shenanigans I’m speaking up. I’m a real life walking sitcom. If I had to choose, I’d have my show on Fox or Comedy Central. I have a potty mouth. I can’t do this shit on ABC. They would come after me so fast…….LOL
In any event, I find it ironic I’m writing this exactly a month before my 40th birthday.
I can clearly remember each double digit birthday since I was 10, and this one will hit different. To me, I officially feel grown up, and as the last six months has passed, I’ve felt the shift. Saying no was a HUGE problem, even to family. That I felt obligated to doing everything they say. Being obedient if you will. I’m realizing it’s a toxic trait that dysfunctional family’s use. I don’t think my family is as bad as they were, but it hasn’t left the building. Honestly, I don’t think it will, because it’s so engrained in family roles, it will be hard for folks to break, but we, as in my kids and I decided, we are breaking all kinds of generational curses.
It’s what we do. We were never the traditional family, even when we were. I mean, hell, we decided our family photo will be a cosplay shoot. One in a mafia setting, and the other in an arcade. Who does that? Us. We do, cause we don’t give a fuck.
Back to the point, one month and I like to think it’s a new chapter of sorts.
Some folks make a huge deal of 40, some don’t. Too many times I shouldn’t have been here, and I took notice on my second chances. I also have truly come into my own in the last 10 years. I’m not perfect, don’t get it twisted. I’ve fucked up on different occasions, because humans do. The difference? Learning and making sure I don’t repeat the same mistakes.
Why is it a big deal though?
The same reason why a caterpillar changes into a butterfly.
Change is the only constant in life. In this case, I welcome it, but in some cases I can’t stand change. Doesn’t really matter though, it happens regardless if you like it or not. As time has gotten closer, it has become easier to admit things, block negative folks, and embrace friendships I never thought I would have. To rebuild a cheering section that was lost to death making an appearance was weird and hopeful. Of course, I adore my new cheering section to get me through this rough time of going back to school, and truly doing what I’m supposed to do.
Plenty of nay sayers out there, but who cares? You may not get my madness, but who asked you for an opinion? Doesn’t matter what you think of my appearance, my choices, or who gets my attention. No one asked you.
That part. It’s grown so much and I’m here to embrace it all. It’s when you truly realize this part is when you come to peace with a lot of shit. As I prepare to graduate with the first goal, its scary but in a good way.
I gave myself the gift of education and setting my mind free. Not many can say that, and I’ll brag about that until my last breath.
Here’s to chapter 40. It will bring happiness, growth, assertiveness, and goals being met.
We manifest around these parts. Welcome to the madness. Bring snacks. I’m gonna go weird mom dance to Madonna’s “What it feels like to be a Girl”, and Eminem’s “Venom”, while I get ready for my rehearsal.